Currently Gaming Ghost Rider By Take 2 see related

WTF!!!!!

I'm so pissed off!! I just took that IQ test that Venessa sent out and it won't give me the f'ing results!!  The picture won't f'ing load!!!!!!!!!!  argh!!!

THIS is what they gave me to work with.  bitches.

<center><a href="http://www.testriffic.com/iq/"><img src="http://www.testriffic.com/iq/.gif" border="0" alt="Testriffic IQ test"></a></center>

Currently Watching Lady in the Water (Widescreen Edition) By Paul Giamatti, Jeffrey Wright see related

Ta da! Another post. What a shocker.

I'm bored out of my mind, and i decided to vent a little on ol' reliable xanga.  I know he/she/it will listen.

So, let's see...every day since...not last Thursday but the Thursday before last...i guess it was still December...I have been having a panic attack every day.  I know, you're thinking that I'm jumping to conclusions about this and that I have hypochondria or something...but actually, it's true.  I've been having panic attacks since high school, not sure when they started, but I'd sure like to know when they would stop.  It's actually gotten increasingly worse just since two Thursdays ago, because I only used to have them like maaaybe once every two weeks or once a month.  And I was just calling them panic attacks then because it sounded right to me, although I knew nothing about them at the time.  But since it has gotten a lot worse, it has actually made them wayyy more frequent because I now WORRY that I'm going to have one..mmm...from the moment I wake up, on.  So, I looked it up on the internet and, to my dismay and sort of comfort and relief, ALL of the symptoms sound exactly like what happens to me.  And I promise I'm not one of those people that watches commercials for prescription medications on tv and after hearing the symptoms I'm like 'THAT's ME!!!.'  Well, not usually.  But i can tell you that these are very real and very rough to deal with.  I barely eat now because it makes me sick, although I feel starving.  It's very hard for me to go to sleep because that's usually when they happen is at night, or when it is silent in the room and i have nothing to think about but whatever my mind wanders to that makes me freak the f out.  I have to go outside or shut all the doors from the bathroom to the living room when i flush the toilet so that i can't hear it running because for some reason, it seems WAY too loud to me and will send me instantly into panic-mode. 

I know most of you can't really understand what I'm talking about, and it all probably sounds like a bunch of nonsense.  Like, honestly, how could the toilet running send me into a panic attack?  It sounds stupid to me, too, maybe even more so.  But, I do have an appointment with a nurse practitioner at a psychiatrist's office January 22nd.  And while I don't get to sit and vent to someone for an hour about why I think all of this is happening, I do get to get straight to the point about my symptoms with this lady and she can tell me if I need medication for this thing or not.  And, while I absolutely HATE the idea of taking any kind of real medication for some kind of imbalance I may have, I would much prefer to live like a normal person again.  And I don't have a clue about why this is happening to me, why my stress level is so high that I would be having these attacks every day...my mom thinks its homesickness and loneliness, my dad thinks its stress about money and my job on top of being lonely.  I don't know...I don't feel overly stressed, but I guess something has to be causing it.

Anyway, I feel like a loser or like I'm whining or something, but, you know, if anyone has had any kind of similar experience and has some suggestions, that would be awesome...cuz I feel pretty singled out on this one. 

Thanks and sorry for bein' such a downer.

Currently Reading A Dirty Job: A Novel By Christopher Moore see related

Hola from Florida

So hello everyone!  Yes, we finally made it.  I'm sitting here at my apartment complex in Winter Park, Florida, which is just outside of Orlando.  It's 65 degrees here and sunny...but it rained all day on Christmas, so that blew.

We've been down here for like a month and a half now...since November 15th...and already I have obtained and quit a job (at American Eagle) which sucked BADDDDD...I'd never even heard of "seasonal positions" til i got down here, but it basically means that they have permission to USE and ABUSE me for very little pay and then FIRE me once the holiday season ceases. Not cute.  But I did get a purse and wallet for like 40 % off before i got out of there.  HAHA!

But now I have a new job...at a video store.  I know, SHOCKING, but i was pretty sure it would be the easiest place for me to get a decent job that I could handle, plus they pay me 50 cents more per hour, give me more hours and give me something to do!  I can't stand around folding shit for hours at a time...it made me wanna go CRAZY and run out of there like a mad person.

So we already went through our ungodly poor phase...that sucked.  Tyler's school is a little slow on the uptake when it comes to, you know, their students surviving.  But we finally got his living expense check and we can now eat all we want, which is a plus. 

I don't know if any of you out there have ever spent Christmas anywhere that was sunny and warm all the time, but it is an extremely strange experience to walk into an Albertson's and hear Christmas music playing when it's 80 degrees outside.  If i spent enough time in the grocery store, i would forget and close my jacket and hunker down as if the cold wind was going to hurt my face...and then be TOTALLY shocked at the heat once i stepped outside the doors.  haha, im such a dork.

well, other than that, things are well...tyler just started school up again so ill be back to being all alone for most of the day again.  so i guess ill be updating a lot more in the next few.

adios

Currently Gaming Shadow Hearts: From the New World By Crave Entertainment see related

Adios Amigos

hello everyone....so it's been awhile!  i just thought i'd say a little something since I'm moving to Florida very soon-like.  I KNOW...I know...I've been saying that for months.  So I was supposed to leave in August, but things got a little screwed up with the whole money sitch...but now it's for sure.  I'm a getting more and more excited every day...as well as more and more anxious.  It has been getting more real here recently what with us calling apartments and picking one out and estimating how much money we're all going to need in order to have some place to live once we get down there.  Well I have enough but it's still not a lot.  We all three won't have much left over after we pay off the dirty thieves at the apartment complex...I already told Tyler that he's just going to have to get used to the fact that if he wants to eat I am going to have to whore myself around the apartments and the Full Sail campus.  I have come to terms.

Yes, that was a joke.  But just barely.

So Megan's 5 months along.  She and her husband-to-be/boyfriend guy John already have names picked out, too!  If it's a girl, she will be Carmen LeeAnn Delgado.  If it's a boy he will be Gabriel Anthony Delgado.  Pretty sweet, eh?  I like 'em.  But I like Megan's mom's idea a whole lot better...her daughter should be named Jordan LeeAnn after me, Ashley Jordan...but hey it's her kid!  Megan has also promised to pay for my plane ticket to fly to Japan for the week or so before and after she has the baby.  What a trip! jaja...the only foreign country I've ever been to is Mexico aaaand I wasn't uber impressed.  I'm really excited and hope it works out because I would HATE to miss my bestest friend's child's birth!

So it's realllly cold and let me tell ya, i am pissed about it.  I thought surely I would have moved to Florida by the time it got this cold so i wouldnt have to deal with long sleeves and heavy coats.  I HATE THE WINTER!!!!!!!  I would much rather take clothes off than put more on...

I miss acting.  I miss my best friends.  I miss my close-ish friends.  I miss the good ol' days, and honestly I think I am wayyyy too young to be saying that.  But hopefully the best is yet to come.

Currently Listening A Fever You Can't Sweat Out By Panic! At The Disco see related

so it's been awhile!

wow, so much has happened since the last time i wrote anything on the ol' xanga.  where do i even begin? 

#1 my best friend is pregnant.  And living in Japan.  And she is a marine.  I still don't know what I think about that whole thing.  It's just another thing that makes me feel OLD.  And I HATE the idea of her being over there the whole time growing and getting a big belly and experiencing this whole crazy thing without me...we've shared everything since we were 10 years old!!!  I don't wanna miss out on this...it's a big one.  PLUS she might be getting married to the guy she's dating right now, who also happens to be the baby's father...and I've never even met him!  I just hope she does it here so we can all be there for it.  God, i just don't know what to think about all of this.

#2 Last Thursday Tyler, our friend Matt and I went down to Tulsa to this big modeling and acting convention (Matt is somewhat of an amateur model).  So, we get there and there's a crapload of people standing around filling out applications and then going into this big room with a runway in the middle, and a very loud guy is talking about all the people he's set up with careers like Cindy Crawford, Claudia Schiffer, Jena Malone, to name a few.  So Matt gets in line to walk down the runway and talk to the guy and Tyler is listening to the guy talk, and he's like, "Ashley, why don't you get in line?  All you have to do is fill out an application and walk down a runway.  It's free, it's what you want to do, and it's right here!!"  At first I was freaking out, coming up with every bad excuse I could to not go down that runway.  But then I thought, what is the worst possible thing that could happen?  Nothing.  I could go about the rest of my life as if nothing happened.  So I filled out my app and tried to find a space in line.  Well, one of the girls working for the John Casablancas, the modeling and acting center that was hosting this convention, let me cut in line right by the door.  That gave me a little confidence...so i got up there, walked down the runway, said "Hi my name is Ashley Good, I'm 20, I want to do both modeling and acting, and on a scale of 1-10 how bad do i want to do this?  10, definitely."  And Matt and I both got called back the next day.  They told me they thought I could do both modeling and acting and wanted me to go to school there every other saturday and fine tune my acting and modeling skills.  it's a 3 year school with a total amount of $2050.  I said, sign me up!  Lo and behold, I have no money, my mom has no money, and my dad has no  money.  I'm talking literally.  So even though I gave them $150 down payment to reserve my spot, AND i could do this in florida when I move because they have one in orlando...i can't afford it.  dreams shattered. heart breaking. mcdonald's, here i come.

#3 I'M SO SICK OF WORKING FOR FAMILY VIDEO.  that's about all i have to say on that subject.

#4 I can't wait to move.  We still don't have an actual date yet, but it will be at the end of this month or the very beginning of the next.  Tyler's classes start Sept. 26th at Full Sail and we both want to get down there before then to get ourselves set up in our new apartment and get solid jobs, etc.  And while I am sooo excited and ready to get out of Kansas because I hate it here soooo much...I'm going to miss my family A LOT.  and i don't know how i'm going to handle that.  my dad will then live by himself, my mom will be heartbroken when i leave, megan's mom will even miss me a great deal i think. she already yells at me for never coming to visit her enough.  i hope that i can handle it out there.  i don't know how that kind of loneliness will affect me.  cuz tyler and his friend marcus, who is going to be living with us, too, are going to be at school all day every day and then want to come home and play moooore video games and they're going to be in their own world when we move, i'm afraid.  i won't know anyone...but i guess that's what phone's are for...

well, i guess that's all for now.  not sure when i'll write again, but for now, later.